


List

by MamaG



Category: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-15 02:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14781587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MamaG/pseuds/MamaG
Summary: I don’t really know what this is. A list of things Bram likes about Simon at 16, 20, and 37 I guess, but also kind of just stories?Mentions of sex but nothing explicit.As always I’m nervous about posting.





	1. Bram’s

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I just write fics with mentions of Salt n Peppa now. Idk I don’t even really like them.

 

* * *

 

Age 16

 

  1. Bram knows he likes the way Simon looks. He’s known that since the first time he saw him. He likes the way he walks, how he tends to literally drag his feet when he’s relaxed. He likes that he has a habit of skating his tongue over his lower lip when he’s talking about something that really interests him. He likes the way he brushes his blonde hair out of his eyes, slender fingers dancing across his forehead. He likes how gray his eyes are. The few times Bram had summoned the courage to actually look him in the eye the only word to describe what they looked like was “alien”. Bram knows that doesn’t sound like a compliment but it is, Simon’s eyes look like they belong on something other than a human, something better. Something other worldly or perhaps _divine_.
  2. But now? Now he thinks he just likes Simon.As, like, a human. As an incredibly attractive human. He likes that he’s smarter than he lets on. He likes how he is with his friends, loyal almost to a fault. He likes that he’s so effortlessly funny, or at least it seems effortless to Bram maybe he actually puts a lot of thought into it. Bram wouldn’t know since he’s recently discovered that he doesn’t have the ability to put together something that even vaguely resembles a complete sentence in his presence. It absolutely does not help that the chorus to Whatta Man blares in his head whenever Simon walks into a room, like he’s stuck in some bad 90s romcom.He knows Simon is just a boy, a high school kid just like him, not at all a “man” by any stretch of the imagination but his brain so does not understand this. So, he guesses now he should finally admit it to himself, he has an enormous crush on Simon Spier. Which for some reason makes him want to shout “I’M GAY!” from the rooftops on the off chance that Simon Spier will then magically be gay and fall lovingly into his arms. Which is just so stupid, so improbable, that he hates himself for even having the thought. But his body feels jittery and restless like he has to do SOMETHING, he types up a quick anonymous post on CreekSecrets about being gay and feels a little better.
  3. Now that Bram’s been emailing Jacques for a few weeks he sometimes likes to imagine that Simon and Jacques are the same person. It’s sort of fun for him, the kind of fun that’s fun because of how reckless it feels, it even feels a bit _dangerous_  mostly because the chance of that fantasy being true are so low and it feels like he’s playing hard and fast with his own heart. Still sometimes he’ll find a tiny overlapping thread that links Jacques’ life with Simon’s. Like the fact that they both have dogs and he’s pretty sure Simon’s lived in Shady Creek all his life just like Jacques,and that they both like Harry Potter, and it just makes something inside him feel like it could burst with hope, even though those three things could literally describe 70% of the male population at Creekwood. He likes it anyway. 



 

Age 20

 

  1. Bram likes that they’re still together. That they seem to be doing a thing that most other people thought would be impossible. He likes that they’ve figured out how to do it successfully, doing this balancing act of school, social life, and this long distance thing. That’s not to say it had been easy. It hadn’t.All of freshman year had been a complete disaster, Simon had a gay roommate who had the unlucky fate of looking a little too much like Cal Price for Bram’s comfort.It wasn’t just Bram though, Simon would always get really short and quiet with him whenever Brambrought up his new friend Sean (who was basically just the black, gay, version of Garrett. No Joke.).Which, just...it just bothered him because for bothBram and Seanit was a hard no, never going to happen, zero attraction, no as in he may as well have actually been Garrett, no.All this went unsaid for an entire year, on both sides, until it exploded and ended in a 12 hour breakup, which turned into Simon showing up at his dorm at 1 am on a Thursday, red eyed and tear streaked. It was awful, but they worked it out, made out, made a plan.Bram was good with plans. He liked them, followed them and thats how they got here now. Or maybe they both had just grown up, grown more secure in themselves, in each other, in their “Us.” It was good now, better than ever really.
  2. Things were so happy. Simon was so happy and it was impossible for Bram to be anything but happy when Simon was like that. Every time he got off the train in New York Bram could see him nearly skipping when he finally saw him. It really wasn’t a skip more like a small hop every third step and then they’d meet in a hug and a kiss. That was another thing Bram liked, he liked that in most parts of the city and Philly he could sort of flaunt his affection for Simon.It had taken awhile to break the habit of barely touching in public, but once it broke it felt like something being set free inside the two of them, some PDA bird that wanted everyone to see that he was with Simon and Simon was with him. It was often hard to put the bird back in the cage when they returned to Georgia on breaks. It sometimes felt like it was fighting with the two of them, beak and talons clawing at them as they struggled to put it back in captivity.It was actually painful. Like how it feels when they ask him to please check just one race on a form. Like he was denying a whole part of himself.
  3. Bram liked that Simon never described his skin or his eyes using food as was so common in books and movies when describing black bodies.His skin was never chocolate, his eyes were never the color of coffee.Rather Simon would tell him his skin was beautiful, that he liked the way his skin and his hair smelled like coconut (which, yeah, was a food technically, but he actually did smell like coconut because he used this coconut oil/Shea butter mix since he was a kid) , that it always made his own skin feel dry and cracked in comparaison (“that’s because you don’t moisturize, Simon.” Bram would tell him). Rather Simon would tell him his eyes were soft and expressive, that they were soulful.It helped bring home the fact that Simon saw him as a whole person, complete, that he saw beyond the sum of his parts and that his parts were some how more than just parts.
  4. Bram liked the way Simon looked when they were in bed. Even when he was just sleeping, but especially when he wasn’t. He liked that he always held eye contact until he was almost to the very end until it seemed like he just couldn’t possibly keep them open any more. The first few times they had gone to bed together in high school it hadn’t been bad necessarily but it couldn’t really be described as good.It didn’t help that they had to sneak and get it done before a parent or sibling came home or that they were both nervous, and it definitely didn’t help that neither of them had a single clue as to what they were doing. It took time, and research, and it definitely took a lot of awkward communication.They’d certainly figured things out now and everything was just very, very good.The first time Simon had put his mouth on him and didn’t let his eyes stray from Bram’s he had let out a series of swears that he had never let slip out loud before and he finished in an embarrassingly short time.Except at the time it wasn’t embarrassing, he’s pretty sure the proud look on Simon’s face killed his embarrassed feelings before they even had the chance to breathe. So, he liked the way Simon looked in bed, before, during, after.Sometimes he thought Simon looked best after because he’d give Bram this satisfied smile and look at him like Bram had just given him some kind of precious gift. That...yeah, he liked that. A lot.



 

Age 37

 

  1. Bram likes that they’re married now. He likes that they only really got married because it was basically necessary in order to foster and adopt, to have the family they both had desperately wanted. It’s not that they didn’t love each other, or that they weren’t monogamous they just didn’t feel they needed the state, or a piece of paper to validate their relationship it just felt unnecessary (much to the chagrin of their mothers).They loved each other, they lived together, they had a life, they didn’t need anything else. Except they both wanted children and that meant marriage.They had done the whole big wedding thing with tux’s, dancing, and a sit down dinner, mostly to appease their mothers, but also because once they were engaged, they both realized they wanted it too. That they both maybe, sort of really, really wanted to be married even if they hadn’t wanted children.Bram likes that after they were married and on their honeymoon that Simon used the word husband as often as he could.
  2. Bram likes that Simon does all these voices when he reads books to the kids. It’s cute, it takes him back to high school theater Simon.They have a 6 year old daughter and a 3 year old son, plus they’re emergency foster parents when a kid shows up at the police station usually only staying with them a month or two but sometimes longer, sometimes only a few weeks.He likes that Simon makes pancakes on Sunday mornings, and stands at the counter in his pajamas, singing along to Kidz Bop, and trying to make the kids laugh. Something about watching him be a father, makes Bram able to see the whole picture of him, of how he got to this point, how he became the man he is.It helps that at 37 they have been together longer than they’ve been apart. He likes that too.He likes that Simon brings him flowers once a month.He likes the way it makes their children giggle every time Bram kisses him still holding the flowers.He likes that when he sees pictures of them all together as a family, that it just looks sweet, domestic, and _normal_.He likes that Simon doesn’t think twice about having photos of the kids who have only barely passed through their home hanging on the walls.If anyone dares to say anything about itSimon gives them a hard look and says “They were still apart of our family.Im not erasing them from our home.”Bram loves that.
  3. Bram likes that after all this time he’s still living in a bad 90’s romcom, and every time Simon walks in the room he still hears the chorus to Whatta Man playing in the background, he feels like the volume has even been turned up on it. Probably because they’re both actual men now so it applies. He likes that Simon still holds eye contact with is alien gray eyes. He likes that he moisturizes now, too.  Thanks to Bram. 




	2. Simon’s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things Simon likes about Bram at 17, 21, and 37. I decided to change the rating because like This American Life I acknowledge the existence of sex in this fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This reads a lot differently than Bram’s chapter. I don’t even know what happened with #4. May not be for everyone so you know, you do you.

 

Age 17

 

  1. When Simon thinks about the time before he knew Bram was Blue, he feels embarrassed. Mostly because he had never even considered Bram as a possibility. Part of it he thinks was self preservation, that if he let himself think that quiet, sweet, cute Bram Greenfeld could possibly be gay it would just end up crushing him when he inevitably found out he was wrong. He realizes that thinking that way is being pretty generous with himself. He was mostly just hung up on Cal being Blue, but Simon is so happy that it was Bram. Excited. Ecstatic. Elated. It’s not just that Bram is good looking (though he _is_ good looking), or that he is sweet (though he is), or that he’s smarter than most adults Simon knows (though he is). It’s that Bram is so quiet and so introverted that everything he ever said in his emails seem more personal, more private, more almost _sacred_ now that Simon knows it was Bram on the other end saying them. It’s difficult to describe how that makes Simon feel. In a way he guesses it makes him feel like he, himself is more important now. He knows he was important before, it’s just he feels more important now that he knows he’s Bram Greenfeld’s confidant because honestly, what a freaking honor. Simon likes the way Bram makes him feel.
  2. Simon likes that Bram makes him a better student. It’s not like Bram is helping him study or anything. He’s not. Unless you count all those study dates that are always more about making out than studying. It’s just that Bram is so smart, so intimidatingly smart, that Simon feels like if he’s not getting all A’s then Bram is going to realize how unqualified Simon actually is to be his boyfriend. Which if Bram knew this was how he felt he would probably be pretty offended and say something like “You know, I know you’re smart, right? I don’t care that much about your grades. Plus, you’re making me sound like a total pretentious asshole, do you really think I’d do something like that?”Still, it feels pretty imperative to keep his GPA as high as possible while he’s dating Bram. Simon’s mom notices, holding up his report card saying “Look at these grades Simon! Not even a B! I thought your grades were supposed to get worse not better when you started dating.” Simon just shrugs.
  3. Simon has never liked watching sports. He used to like going to baseball games with his dad when he was a kid but that had way more to do with eating Oreo Dippin’ Dots out of a small plastic baseball helmet and trying to get on the jumbotron than actually watching the game. But Simon likes watching Bram play soccer. Likes how fast he is and the fact that he stays fast. He’s got endurance. He likes that Bram is far more graceful then anyone else on the field. That when he does these turns to avoid an opponent who’s trying to steal the ball, he might as well be dancing. It’s beautiful. More beautiful because Simon has seen Bram dance and he’s really not any good at it, but on the soccer field he’s amazing. His movements are controlled and powerful but fast and just so fucking graceful, if Simon thinks about it too much he could cry. Which is such a dumb thing to even think but it’s true. Simon likes that his normally humble boyfriend turns into a giant brag monster after scoring a goal, running around and screaming fist in the air, and then he and Garrett do this stupid handshake that ends in something that vaguely resembles jazz hands. It’s really, really fun to watch. 



 

Age 21

 

  1. Simon liked that the first and only time he had seen Bram drunk was on Bram’s 21st Birthday. Bram had drank before but only ever got a little buzzed, so full on drunk was new. Simon had taken Bram and a bunch of his Columbia friends out. They did a bar crawl, and then dancing at a club after everyone was wastedenough to dance (except Simon, he had designated himself Keeper of the Drunks, like a designated driver except without the cars and his job was to make sure everyone made it home unscathed). At first seeing Bram drunk was like watching him on a veritaserum, Simon could tell he was saying absolutely everything that came across his mind. At one point he looked at all his friends and said “Guys. Guys! Listen. LISTEN!” No one was talking “this is important. Look at my boyfriend. Are you looking at him?” He had a big smile on his face, his hand gripping Simon’s shoulder. “Isn’t he gorgeous? Isn’t he the most gorgeous boy you’ve ever seen? No, he’s a man. Isn’t he the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen?”Everyone was giggling and looking at Simon and nodding good naturedly. “Okay, now stop. You’re making me jealous.” He said putting his arm possessively around Simon’s shoulders. At this point everyone sort of lost it and at least two of his friends bought him more drinks and Simon just grinned and shook his head. By the time they got to the club Simon had cut everyone off and told everyone they only had an hour before he was dragging every last one of their drunk asses out of there (wrangling drunk people was a lot harder than it looked.), plus Bram had gone from loud and honest to quiet and _handsy_. Since getting out of Georgia they had both been more affectionate in public, but drunk Bram was beyond affectionate he was walking the line somewhere between inappropriate and down right obscene. He kept kissing Simon’s neck while one hand was under his shirt and his other hand attempted to paw at Simon’s lap. Simon kept having to grab his hands and say “ _Abraham_.” in a scolding tone that was tampered slightly by the giant grin on Simon’s face. He couldn’t help it, Bram wasn’t usually the one who had a problem with self control, he sort of liked this role reversal that was happening. However, at the 45 minute mark Bram started stage whispering dirty things in Simon’s ear and he decided it was time to gather everyone and get out of there. He bought bottles of water for everyone, and a bottle of aspirin dispersing it among the group and then they all got on the subway to go back to the apartment.The whole ride back Bram rested his head on Simon’s shoulder nursing his bottle of water and occasionally kissing his shoulder. Simon liked that. When they got back to Bram’s apartment he made him eat a slice of toast before helping him into his pajamas, rolling him on his side, placing a trash can by his bed, and putting a glass of water on the nightstand. When Bram shoots out of bed just before 6 to puke into the toilet Simon rubs his back and helps him back to bed. Bram doesn’t even bother telling Simon to let him throw up alone, he just allows him to take care of him. Simon likes that. Simon gets up at eleven and buys coffee and egg sandwiches for everyone. After eating Bram leans into Simon the front of their shoulders pressed together, letting Simon wrap his arms around him and kiss the top of his head before saying “thanks for the birthday. I had fun. But mostly thanks for taking care of me.” Simon just stands their for a minute and then says “No problem, I’m just glad you had fun.” and it’s true he didn’t mind at all, he likes taking care of him.
  2. They had gotten good the long distance thing, since the disaster that was freshmen year.Even though they’re good at it, doesn’t mean their’s a lot to like about it. Except Simon does like somethings about it. He likes that every time he gets on the train to got back to Philly he always finds a snack pack of Oreos and some kind of fruit or carrot sticks, always with a note that says _Healthy stuff first and then the Oreos, Simon. See you in two weeks. I love you._ He likes that even though they’ve gotten over the jealousy of freshmen year, Simon still feels like Bram is weirdly possessive or maybe it’s territorial, whenever he visits him at Haverford. It’s not like he ever says anything to anyone and he’s never anything but polite and personable with all of Simon’s friends. Still it’s like he’s always touching him somehow,which is nice but sometimes it feels like a way to make a point to on lookers than just an act of affection. It always seems like he’s giving people appraising looks, sizing them up, trying to see a potential threat. It’s not the sort of thing that your supposed to like. It’s supposed to be annoying, a precursor for an argument, but it’s not, not at all. Simon likes it, it feels like being claimed.
  3. Simon likes that Bram is a generous partner. He always gives more than he takes. Even when it’s Simon going down on him,he’s alwayssort of massaging his neck and shoulders with the pads of his thumbs. As if he refuses for even a moment to be all about him. It’s one of his best moves and Simon likes it. He likes that he’s never been afraid to ask for anything either, even at the very start of their sexual relationship. No matter how crazy he thought it might sound to Simon. He wasn’t ever hesitantto ask, and it was always an ask, always asked so timidly that it removed the possibility for any pressure to be attached to it. Although he rarely denied Bram of something he wanted, he always knew he could. Simon liked that. 



 

Age 37

 

  1. Simon likes to watch Bram coach soccer. He’s the coach for their 6 year old daughter’s soccer team. It’s a bit like watching him herd cats. He likes that the kids rarely have any concept of if they won or not because Bram’s always so proud of them that it feels like they’ve always won. He likes watching him pass out orange slices and CapriSun’s to all the kids afterwards while giving away high fives and talking “strategy” with the other parents.
  2. He likes how gentle and patient Bram is, he’s always been that way, but seeing him be that way with their kids, it’s on another level. Like how when their son first came to them at 6 months old, he didn’t sleep. It took hours to get him down at night and he would get up way too early (Simon didn’t think that before 4 am was a time people got up, he thought that was just the middle of the night), not to mention the 5 times he’d get up before “morning”.Needless to say they were dead tired, zombie doesn’t even begin to describe how it felt. Simon didn’t do well like that, the sleep deprivation made him the worst possible version of himself, so slowly Bram just started doing it on his own.Simon once found the two of them in the morning both asleep, Bram sitting on the floor back leaning against the French doors, their son asleep against his chest. It’s such a sight that even thinking about it now, three years later, with all of this behind them it aches sweetly in his chest. Simon takes their son and shakes Bram awake. “Hey, why don’t you go upstairs to sleep?” Bram rubs his eyes standing up and mumbling “he likes to look out the window as he falls asleep.” Simon kisses his cheek. “Just go to sleep.” Bram just looks at him before saying “I don’t mind you know. It’s worth it to me. You happy and our boy. Our boy is so worth it to me.” Simon just replies “Go.” But he doesn’t think he’s ever loved him more than he does in that moment.
  3. Simon still thinks Bram has cute hands, which look exactly the same as they did when he was 17 (“Black don’t crack, Simon. Black don’t crack. Plus, _moisturizer_.”). He likes the way his hands look fixing their daughters hair a pick in one hand, it had taken a while for him to figure out how to do it, it had taken calls to both his mother and Abby and several YouTube videos. He was good at it now and it sometimes looked like his hands weaved magic. Simon could fix her hair too although not as well as Bram but his results were decent and worked in a pinch. He liked the way Bram’s hands looked racing over the keyboard, trying to meet a deadline for the Times. Of course he still likes the way they look on and against his skin, he likes the way they feel on him. It feels like love.




End file.
